Wondering why your date never showed?
Rebeca had curly auburn hair, brown eyes, a button nose, and perfect lips. She and I had hit it off instantly on Tinder: she responded to my messages quickly, and was even willing to accommodate my schedule just so we could grab a drink after work. And yet, when I arrived at the agreed upon time and place, I couldn’t find her anywhere. I sent a quick text letting her know that I was sitting outside.
With no sign of her thirty minutes later, I finally decided to throw in the towel.
As I walked away with my tail between my legs, I struggled with what to do next. Should I go ballistic and give her a piece of my mind? Leave it alone and write nothing at all? I compromised by sending her a brief message about how disappointed I was… but she never responded. Perhaps she was so embarrassed that she couldn’t bear to engage in conversation. Maybe she got off on it. Or maybe “she” was an angry dude living out some sort of fantasy of getting back at any guy who looked like his high school bully.
As someone who’s been stood up more than once throughout my extensive dating history, I know of a few reasons why such a person might go running at the last minute. Of course, any no-show might have a legitimate reason to bail – but if you’ve gotten no response in 24 hours, you’re clearly dealing with an inconsiderate individual too gutless to confess to one of the following excuses:
Panic
Now and then a person might totally freak out about the prospect of meeting someone new.
Ladies especially might have a great deal of concern before meeting a guy they’ve only known through pictures and text messages. Of course, leaving someone high and dry without any word is never fair no matter what the circumstances. But maybe it helps to know that your runaway date might be freaking out even more than you are.
Something Better Came Along
Much like making reservations at two restaurants, your date might have made plans with multiple people. And sometimes, you’re option #3 on a list of three possible choices. Lots of people don’t believe that dating requires any allegiance until exclusivity has been established. It may not be ethical, but given the option between filet mignon or Chef Boyardee, some are willing to treat their backup plan like canned Beefaroni, and ditch them at the last minute.
Catfish
Contrary to common belief, a person who lies altogether about his or her sex, age, or physical appearance (or “Catfish”) isn’t necessarily intentionally trying to hurt or deceive. A 45-year-old single mom might advertise herself as a 23 year-old Swedish model because she fears (or simply knows) that you wouldn’t be interested in a relationship with her otherwise. If it sounds too good to be true, it likely is.
False Advertising
Perhaps your date showed up and got a peek at you before you got a peek at him or her. If you don’t look anything like your photos, this one’s on you, pal. Fail to keep your end of the bargain, and you only have yourself to blame.
Sociopathic Tendencies
Once in a very rare while, you’ll unknowingly come across a man or woman with a deep-seated hatred of the opposite sex, who will get a kick out of leaving you in the dust. Much more often, you’ll encounter a self-involved person who simply has little to no regard for other people’s time. In either case, you can’t take it personally – but you can consider yourself lucky, having dodged a major bullet in the form of a terrible potential partner.
Bottom Line
The one common thread uniting the women who have stood me up in the past is that all three were more than six years my junior. I’ve since learned that one way to minimize the chances of such rejection is to date guys or girls of a similar maturity level to your own. You can certainly find love on Tinder or via any dating app as long as you’re targeting people who are on the same page as you when it comes to dating and relationship goals. Share a phone conversation or two and be open and honest from the start to avoid abandonment on date night… but don’t let it get you down for too long if it does come to pass – it happens to the best of us!
