Heed These Tips If You’ve Been Turned Down For A Date Or Relationship
If you’ve ever been into another person, you’ve surely gotten rejected at some point in your life. Maybe Tommy ignored your love notes in math class and asked Stephanie to the V-Day dance instead. Or that girl you got cozy with at summer camp finally revealed that she loved you “like a brother”. Navigating the waters of unrequited love doesn’t get much easier when you grow up, either. Of course, not every crush is going to share your feelings; and sure, denial always stings – but by practicing the following exercises in positive thinking, you can actually make light of the cringe-worthy occurrence of being turned down.
Take A Step Back
Let’s say that after one or two dates, the guy or girl you’ve gone out with clearly doesn’t see you as his or her next great romance (or even hook-up). Or better yet, you’re refused a date in the first place. The good news? You didn’t invest much time, which means that you couldn’t have gotten too close. Put the time you spent thinking about this person into perspective, and you’ll realize that you haven’t lost much with someone you don’t even know all that well. You might have escaped an emotional rollercoaster down the road.
Of course, even the most confident dater can feel inadequate when his or her ego has taken a direct hit. Throwing one’s self into the dating arena already requires a leap of faith, and falling flat on one’s face can be a painful experience. But you can – and will – bounce back.
Avoid The Self-Deprecating Phase
If you can keep your confidence in check and remain level-headed when your potential romance hits a wall, you’ll be way more ready to take on the next person that comes your way.
Whether or not a “real” connection was made, being friend-zoned has less to do with your personality, and more to do with your compatibility with the other person. If you showed your true colors, and your partner decided it wasn’t a good fit, you can’t beat yourself up thinking that “just one more hangout” would have done the trick. You don’t want to be with anyone who is on the fence about his or her feelings for you. Sparks should be flying after the first (or the very least, second) encounter. And one-sided sparks don’t count.
Find The Silver Lining
Here’s the hardest part: how in the world can you turn such an awful feeling into a learning experience for which to be grateful?
Well, first, finding a response that subtly hides your embarrassment while simultaneously conveying indifference is never a simple task. Combating honesty with a defensive remark will only make you sound bitter or uptight. Offering a neutral-to-positive response along the lines of “I really enjoyed getting to know you – but I appreciate the honesty!” will keep your dignity intact and your frame of mind from delving into the dark side. (And whatever you do, avoid all alcohol-induced “YOU-DONT-DESERVE-ME-ANYWAY” rants at all costs!)
Try to look at the break-up like ripping off a Band-Aid: quick and painful at first, but ultimately better to get out of the way. The true key to survival is finding a way to feel thankful for the Band-Aid-ripper not wasting your time. It wasn’t likely easy for him or her to do, especially since disinterest is most commonly conveyed these days via radio-silence. Think about the lessons you learned from the experience, both in terms of your personal preferences and strengths / weaknesses as an individual.
Then fire up Jay-Z’s “On To the Next One”. Crisis managed.
