All the tips you need for middle aged dating
If you’re a female boomer like me, you undoubtedly remember Helen Reddy’s 1972 single, “I Am Woman”. Looking back now at the song’s lyrics (which include “If I have to, I can face anything”), I can’t help but wonder if Reddy – eventually single in her fifties and sixties – had had a psychic premonition about the harsh reality of mature online dating.
Not that attracting males as a more mature (and wiser) woman is entirely different from what we experienced as toned, teenage tigresses – men and women of any age want to feel desired by the opposite sex.
But time has an effect on looks and activity levels, and the list of responsibilities to shoulder will inevitably grow over the decades.
Read on for some tips that will enable you to acknowledge the changes rather than ignore them.
Dress Appropriately
Of course you want to appear youthful and on-trend, so dress like you’re going for an interview at a fashion magazine rather than a bank. That means polished, with a sense of style. Say no to pantsuits, running suits, or cutouts that reveal too much “birthday suit”. Say yes to dresses or separates that can be accessorized, and, therefore, personalized (leave the minis in your daughter’s closet). And a little make-up never hurt anybody (I’m talking Bobbie Brown – not Baby Jane). But if you’re still feeling stuck, magazines (such as MORE) can stir creative juices.
Be Confident About Your Body
Hopefully you’re eating well, exercising and doing the best you can, but perhaps the thought of the first “reveal” is playing havoc with your self-confidence.
Just remember that we all get older, and so do men. Being apologetic is a turnoff; having a healthy sense of self and being at peace in one’s “temple” is definitely attractive. So embrace your imperfect body (you’ll have to embrace his) and believe in the woman who’s cool enough to feel good about herself. (Bonus tip for the bedroom: candles are your friends; fluorescents are forbidden).
Be Positive And Open
Smile! Sounds trite, but studies have found that happiness and approachable body language are unquestionably more attractive to men. Ask questions to show that you’re interested, while giving insight as to who you are (that’s insight – not deep, dark confessions about stalking your ex-husband). If you share his preference for foreign movies or a sports team, don’t be shy about building on the connection. On the other hand, if he isn’t into dogs, don’t ramble on about your cockapoo. It’s important to listen and look for cues that signal you have hit on something that can bring you closer.
Edit Your History
No need to be shady or untruthful, but keep it light on the first date. Refrain from discussing the deceased love of your life who could never be matched. Especially during the first few meetings, don’t venture into depressing scenarios; steer clear of rocky shores.
Consider Splitting the Bill
Whether or not you have an interest in ever laying eyes on your date again, it isn’t a bad idea to go Dutch on the first date. It may be that you need to feel free to make a clear choice about this person. In paying your half, you may feel a bit more like Wonder Woman and less like Orphan Annie – because you won’t feel obligated to your date or stricken with guilt if you don’t plan on seeing him again. It’ll basically absolve you from feeling like a mooch.
Let Him Know You’re Interested…
It’s never a bad idea to say “Thank you” if he paid for the date, or “It was really nice meeting you” if he didn’t. Emailing a short message is easy enough, and won’t be intrusive – though it does show that you’re thoughtful and appreciative. You never know: it just might be the nudge your tiger needs to spring into action.
